Musings of the Evening…

I went walking today somewhere I have been walking for over 30 years, and yet today, I discovered a whole new world of pathways and land I had never even seen before. It took a little courage to follow these seemingly new paths, not quite knowing where they’d go, but I also trusted I knew the land well enough to find my way home if need be.
The new paths led me through the most beautiful woods, filled with nothing but resounding silence and birds; no human noise at all. Then I came out onto hills and fields dappled with the light of the magic hour, and I smiled in pure wowness at how a place I know so well could hold so much I never knew was here.
And it got me thinking about my body, about my mind, about my neural pathways… Do I just walk the same ones over and over, not even thinking to look for anywhere new?
And I sat with this for a while and allowed myself to zoom out, borrowing eagle’s view for a few moments and I saw my mind and all its well lit, well commuted pathways, and from my vantage point I saw signposts I’d never seen, leading to darker, quieter, less busy places – spaces the human noise hasn’t touched.
One said “self-belief.” It looked like I’d maybe had a bit of an explore down there once, but it was overgrown and the entrance was blocked by something.
I went down to investigate and saw it was not blocked at all; it was just the path was obscured to my sight by a signpost saying “But do you really believe…?” And I realised I’d nearly always stopped there, choosing to turn back to my well trodden paths in the familiar woods of my mind, rather than daring to say YES and stepping forward.
And I zoomed back out and saw this pattern repeated over and over… These little questions blocking me from exploring and embracing my full self. I wondered who had written the questions?
It was my mind, so surely it must have been me.
What was I trying to protect myself from? Or hide myself away from?
And I thought about this as I kept walking.
And I realised I was scared of getting lost.
Scared that if I stepped out into the unknown, I’d never find my way back.
But as I looked out at the fields, and in at my vast mind, I saw ALL paths lead Home.
And I smiled, and I kept on walking, embracing the mystery within and without…

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